The Best of Bogan

If you're in the market for some bogan jokes, then here are a few that may inspire you.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old bogan girl?
A. Grandma.

Q. Why did the bogan girl cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a bogan girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a bogan quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two bogan kids in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a bogan boy and a bogan girl?
A. A bogan girl has a higher sperm count.

Q. What does a bogan girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. How do you know if you're a bogan?
A. You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids.

Q. If you are driving and you see a bogan on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

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A bogan walked into the centerlink office, marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullsh!ttin' me!'

The Centerlink worker said, 'Yeah, well . . . you started it.'

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Davo was bragging to Bazza one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, Bazza called his bluff "OK, Davo, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No drama's mate, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Davo and Bazza fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Davo! What's happenin?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Bazza is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells him that he thinks Davo's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Davo says.

"President Bush," his Bazza quickly retorts.

"Yup," Davo says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Davo on the tour and motions him and Bazza over, saying, "Davo, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, Bazza is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Davo, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," Bazza replies.

"Sure!" says Davo. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Davo and Bazza are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Davo says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

Davo disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Davo emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Davo returns, he finds that Bazza is in shock, surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to Bazzas' side, Davo asks him, "What happened?"

Bazza looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said... "Who the *****'s that on the balcony with Davo?”

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Here's a bogan related treat, a bogan bird on the 3.41 Connex train to Frankston (allegedly). Someone has "issshuuueess".

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My personal favorite quote taken from the YouTube comments was courtesy of someone called ucanhateme98: